Beyond the page – Sandra’s revenge
July 12, 2012

… She’d joined a class, you see. The lure had been too much and once she’d started thinking about it, she couldn’t put the thought aside, no matter how hard she tried. She’d gone during the day when he was at work or on a Saturday morning when he thought she was doing the shopping. She’d practiced hard. She’d mastered the dips and the drops, the shimmering vibrations of the body layered ontostaccatomovements of the hips as they flicked and twitched in a wicked invitation to touch, no don’t touch! The fluid undulations and rotations, mimicking the impression of riding a camel, or some other beast, as her body circled and enticed, come here, join, entwine…Slow and tantalising, wild and whirling, graceful and floating, with a myriad of veils divested, one by one as the various layers of the human psyche are divested from the loftiest and most philosophical thoughts – the cool blue veil – to the earthiness of physical desire and need – the red veil . . .

She dropped the blood red veil to the floor in a swirl. The dance had finished. She breathed heavily. Yes, she would perform well tomorrow evening.

The whole secret gave Sandra such satisfaction. And it had insidiously changed so much for her too. Just the exercise itself had made her slim down, and that weight problem that he thought she had? Well it had simply melted away, replacing her low self-esteem with a sense of admiration, for her now sleek but voluptuous body, but also for having been able to master the subtle arts of the dance. Of course he didn’t even notice the change. He saw nothing but what he expected to see in front of him and she kept up the persona for him, refusing to share even the smallest part of her new self with him. He might share the same bed with her, but his hands never touched even the top layer of the shapeless old nightie she wore so even the most intimate moment they might share didn’t betray her.

The mantra of ‘stupid , fat and useless’ which he’d instilled in her over the years was replaced with ‘lithe, skilled and able.’ So, what else could she do?  Maybe she wasn’t so useless after all. She’d looked in the ‘sits vac’ column, something she hadn’t done in years. She’d ringed the ones she tentatively wondered if she could manage and been amazedly delighted when she’d been offered a job.  She started it next week.

The next evening she had to wait for him to go out before she could leave herself. She’d already carefully packed her costume in a bag and hidden it behind the shabby brown suitcase in the wardrobe. When she arrived at the venue, the other dancers were bustling around in the dressing rooms. Marie, the class teacher fell on her breathlessly,

‘Oh Sandy, thank goodness you’re here now. I was starting to worry…You’re our star… Everything is alright, isn’t it?

Sandra smiled at her. ‘Just a little delayed.’

She slid into her costume and swiftly completed the transformation. Looking in the full length mirror, she barely recognised herself. Not fifty, fat and frumpy as she’d used to joke ruefully to her friends, but a sibilant siren, skirts slipping softly to her ankles, swishing as she slid gracefully onto the dance floor. It was a ‘hafla’, a Turkish dance party, with other troupes and classes joining in the demonstrations and the audience made up of the class members, their friends and partners. Her class was hosting it. The audience sat at tables around the dance floor, cabaret style.

As soon as she was on the dance floor she spotted him. He was sitting on the far side of a table towards one side, trying to be insignificant, yet watching the movements of the dancers with hard, hungry eyes. She felt a moment of panic as she felt his eyes slide over her. Not yet, not now, she silently prayed. The eyes stayed on her, but not out of recognition, out of desire. He shifted his position, straining forward to get a better look from his deliberately slightly obstructed view – probably cursing he’d chosen this half-hidden seat now.

She stood in position, shrouded in the seven veils of her dance, eyes masked with vibrant, sumptuous sequins and feathers so only her full mouth could be seen, curved slightly in a mysterious smile. Cool spiritual blue was the top layer, peeling down through turquoise, green, yellow, orange, cerise to deep pulsating red; the red of blood coursing through a body that was revealed in its transformation from spiritual to sensual as each layer enveloping her unfurled, coloured the room and dropped like shimmering pool to the floor; another layer of herself had been discarded. All restrictions removed. Sandra whirled and  gyrated, entreated and enticed, withdrew – and the metamorphosis happened  in front of their eyes – from a cool blue nymph to a scarlet siren, climaxing by throwing herself in abandon across the floor with a gesture that flung her body open in its’ entirety to any would be possessor – ‘take me . . .’

The room was transfixed, and so was he.

M/F

Sandra escaped to the dressing room, exhausted with the effort of portraying the emotions as much as following the right choreography. The class crowded round her, congratulating her, expressing their delight in her, and the class teacher was enraptured, holding onto her hand and grinning like a clown. The bustle swathed her in a sense of having finally arrived. Her exhaustion dissipated as their energy and enthusiasm trickled into her, until all of a sudden, the moment was now. Now was right. She allowed them to lead her back into the dance arena for a general round of applause for the whole class for having put on the show, and then she was being whisked into the crowds to say hello here, have her hand shook there, be introduced to this person or that.

‘I must introduce you to Frank,’ Mandy said, ‘you know my . . .’ Her voice trailed off, as she made a coy gesture indicating ‘my lover’ but not actually saying it. ‘He’s always a bit derogatory about belly dancing, but he won’t be able to be now he’s seen you dance.’

Sandra smiled and turned to look into the ashen face of Frank.

The chapter ended there, and Mary rested the book back into her lap. Frank – father’s name was Frank. Was the book telling her something? Had father treated mother this way? She concentrated hard on reviving the sense of her father in her mind. The way he’d stood – the sag of his shoulders mimicking the droop of his moustache, eyes dulled and defeated. Then by contrast mother sitting in her chair – this chair – ram-rod straight, cold, brushing Mary’s hair so hard she felt sore afterwards; not a soft atom in mother’s body, ever. No, fathers’ whole demeanour told her that he was unlikely to have been the aggressor. Mother on the other hand . . .

More to follow next week …

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www.debbie@debbiemartin.co.uk

where you’ll find lots more to read and information when my books are going to be published.

Debbie Martin

Beyond the page as Sandra sways …
July 5, 2012

Now it starts to get interesting for Sandra…

‘. . . Sandra glowered at him with hatred, but he didn’t see her venom. He was buried in his damn Telegraph as usual. ‘Blah, blah, blah . . .’ she mimicked him, from her hidden position behind the upheld pages, openly making mocking faces at him as she silently mouthed the words. He just continued to drone on about HIS views and HIS opinions and HIS ideas, never, once, ever, asking her about hers. And of course the weight problem came up too – it always did. He called her blubbery like a whale: and the fact that she didn’t work.

‘. . . and that really is the crux of it?’ He suddenly put the pages down flat on his lap and looked directly at her over the top of his wire – rimmed glasses. Questioning, no: he wasn’t questioning her – he never questioned. He told : he told, criticised, belittled, and shamed her. He never questioned, otherwise he might have got a very different answer to the one he got. The question was rhetorical, just saying, ‘I’m right aren’t I?’ It just didn’t have the ‘aren’t I?‘ at the end of it.

Sandra hastily re-composed her belligerent sneer to a face of polite agreement. ‘If you think so, dear’ she said meekly, not even knowing what she was agreeing with because her mind had been totally taken up with the wonderful release of baring the teeth of her frustration at him in the seconds before the question-statement was posed.

‘Hmmm’ he said, narrowing his eyes at her, not quite sure if the response was satisfactory enough, and then obviously deciding it was only Sandra – it would do. He shook the newspaper pages slightly to remove any crumples from them and withdrew behind them again. The voice was slightly muffled as it continued from behind the barrier, ‘I’ll have that tea now, but make sure it’s not too weak, and there’s only one spoon of sugar in it, oh and I don’t want that flowery mug you gave me last time. You may want to act like a char woman but I drink my tea out of a proper cup and saucer like a gentleman would.’ He didn’t even look to see if Sandra acknowledged and obeyed the command: he knew she would.

Once the tea was satisfactorily made and provided in the appropriate format, Sandra escaped to the bedroom. She left the bedroom door just ajar – so she could hear if he moved from his throne and came upstairs to see what she was doing. Not that he was likely to. His interest in her had dwindled to nothing but the odd reprimand and string of orders years ago, once the children were grown. She’d outlived her attraction to him when she no longer provided anything material in his life. He’d already looked elsewhere, anyway. She knew that. She occasionally found the odd hotel or restaurant receipt in his jacket pocket when she took it to the dry cleaners. They were careless oversights on his part which merely told her he didn’t bother to hide anything anymore. Such absolute arrogance. She didn’t know who the current one was, but she suspected it was a woman at the office. She’d noticed his enlivened tone when he’d declaimed the woman as a tart for going to a belly dance class – a belly dance class of all things!

The comment had made Sandra pick up her ears – partly because she could tell that his interest was obviously piqued and whilst Sandra had long since ceased to care about his betrayals, she was canny enough to realise that it was wise to keep track for her own self-preservation. But she had also been curious about belly dancing. It conjured up tantalising images of raven haired beauties, barely covered in diaphanous silks, bejewelled and sequined, trailing seductively over the shoulders and sexual appetites of their male audience.  She almost smelt the heady scent of desire, the mystery of decadence, the pounding beat of the drum as the dancer flicked and shook her hips and breasts to its rhythm – the rhythm of sweat and thrust and sex. She shivered slightly in excitement. That was something she hadn’t experienced in a very long while. She crept to the bedroom door and listened silently for a few minutes. There was no sound at all below. He was either still deeply immersed in the stuffy news print or he’d dozed off. Either way, she could.

She stripped her shapeless woollen top off, dragging it over her head roughly, and hastily let her tracksuit pants drop around her ankles like a puddle. Hidden carefully at the back of her wardrobe, underneath an old dress, was the outfit. It was skimpy and exciting. She slid into it, smoothing the soft transparent drape of the skirt over her hips, running her hands down to her thighs, and then swinging them slightly, luxuriating in the way the fabric fell against her bodies outline, hiding it, but revealing all. She sighed with satisfaction, wriggled her shoulders slightly in a shimmy, making her breasts rub against each other exuberantly, bubbling over the top of the tiny sequined bra. She smiled.

 

More to follow next week …

Follow me on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/pages/Debbie-Martin-author-and-writer/290947497649847

and on my website:

www.debbie@debbiemartin.co.uk

where you’ll find lots more to read and information when my books are going to be published.

Debbie Martin

It’s all in the mind – part 2
June 7, 2012

…and it concludes …

‘This really isn’t good enough, Gabe.’

Gabriel shifted in his plush office chair. ‘What isn’t good enough ?’ he didn’t add ‘God’ at the end of the sentence although he supposed he should, but it really was a nonsense, the way he went on about sorting out the Middle Eastern crisis, as if he was, well, ‘God’.

‘All this…’ God gestured to the folder spread out across the desk. The photos of Sally’s beaten and blackened face fanned out where the paper clip holding them to the written documents had slid aside.

‘This, Gabe. This.’

Gabriel shrugged his elegantly suited shoulders, feeling slightly uncomfortable now he looked at the dossier.

‘Well I know it’s not the best of situations,’ he agreed, ‘but there are some situations you just can’t change without an outside influence.’

‘Well bring in the outside influence!’

‘But it’s against our principles,’ he exclaimed, ‘you know that. A change of heart arising from self-awareness – yes. But not an external influence.’

‘But maybe the external influence is exactly what brings about the self-awareness and change of heart? Are you going to do something about it or am I?’

‘Well if you can tear yourself away from the Middle Eastern crisis for long enough, and think you can do better, why don’t you?’ retorted Gabriel. ’ But it’s all in the mind – remember…’ He sneered and sat back, raising his eyebrows slightly questioningly at God and smiled. ‘And surely the Middle East crisis is more crucial than these two quite unimportant little drama’s…’

God picked up the folder. ‘I think we’ll see what I can do.’ he said decisively, ‘and you’ll owe me several thousand years of apologies if I do it without any ‘external forces’, as you put it, right?’

Gabriel smiled a smile which said ‘yeah, right!’

God sat down opposite Gabriel, and studied him. ‘We have an internal force to work with here already and he just needs to believe in himself to create the will to change. In fact I think it’s happening already.’

***

Darren breathed out. The sorrow for her pain slowly transformed into anger once more; and then a steady determination that this wasn’t ever going to happen again. He breathed in deeply and then out slowly, letting the breath whistle out between his pursed lips. He didn’t know how or why, but he knew this was the last time. Something felt different inside him. He felt different. Bigger; stronger; bolder. A presence to be reckoned with.

He stood up straight and walked firmly back home.

Walking through the back door straight into the devastation that was the kitchen, he saw saucepans and plates scattered all across the floor, some of the plates broken. There was a pool of blood near the sink and smeared bloodied hand prints along the wall leading away from it and on the edge of the kitchen worktop. There was no sign of his mother, but as he pushed the lounge door ajar, he could see Jed slumped in the armchair, head thrown back, snoring, a pile of emptied lager cans and an ashtray full of the butt ends of joints on the floor near him. Darren turned back to the kitchen and surveyed the scene. He was disgusted and trembling with rage at what he imagined must have happened to his mother. A rolling pin was balanced half on, half off the kitchen table. It had a bloodied end so he guessed it must have been used in the attack. He picked up the non-bloodied end. It would do. He would do this quickly first and then find his mother and tend to her.

He wiped the blood from the rolling pin across his cheeks and forehead, like war paint, drew himself up to his full height and ran into the lounge letting out a series of blood curdling yowls. Jed woke from his stupor but the drug induced haze left him confused. Coming at him in ear splitting rage was Sally – or so he thought – because masked by the blood-paint, his mother’s features showed through his genes, and Darren looked to Jed exactly like she would if she had been an avenging angel straight from hell itself. Darren launched himself at Jed, rolling pin swung high, roaring with anger and crashed it down on his knee caps, shattering both of them and popping them out of their casings. Jed’s legs skittered uselessly against the seat of the chair and he cowered in terror. The lingering combined effect of drugs and alcohol made Darren seem huge and the noise roared around him like a demon.

‘Never touch her again or I’ll destroy you next time.’

‘Don’t hit me, don’t hit me…’ like a whimpering child, Jed cowered in the chair, trembling, and a dark stain crept around his crotch as his control failed and he urinated.

The bully was gone, replaced with a pathetic excuse for a man. Darren stepped back, realising he needn’t become the bully himself now. He threw the rolling pin down and ran from the room, calling ‘mam, mam, where are you. I’m here.’

A small voice replied, ‘Darr, I’m here, help me…’

He found her in the hall, a small pile of bones and bloodied rags on the floor in the corner. He cradled her until the ambulance came and it took both her and Jed to hospital, Jed pinned in the corner, flinching at Darrens’ slightest move in his direction. She would be alright, they said, don’t worry. She would be alright in time.

***

‘What I fail to see,’ continued Gabriel, with polite sarcasm, ‘is exactly how what you’ve spent the last day doing has contributed to world peace?’

‘It’s the little things, Gabe,’ God said patiently. In his mind’s eye he watched Jed think about cuffing Darren and blacking Sally’s eye, but just as quickly stop himself as he also recalled the avenging hulk that had stood over him –seemingly in Darren’s body, with Darren’s voice. Sally sung softly to herself as she did the dishes out the kitchen. Somewhere soon another Mary would find her Joe – God reflected that the name Joseph was perhaps not modern enough now for the modern idiom, although the human race did have this disconcerting capacity for bringing things back into fashion from nowhere – and then all hell really would break loose. Humankind would need to understand why it was the little things that mattered to deal with that.

‘Hmm, well it’s been interesting,’ Gabriel said with an unconvinced expression. ‘And by the way, would you please stop referring to me as Gabe and yourself as God. We’re not.’

They walked under the archway which led out from the cloistered building. It proclaimed ‘It’s all in the mind. What you think, you are’ on its logo. God smiled at Gabriel’s exasperated expression. He watched him walk briskly away, blissfully unaware of the first sprouting of flight feathers showing through the thin material of his shirt. He wondered idly if he’d have time for a pint before tackling that Middle East problem again.

More stories to follow next week …

Follow me on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/pages/Debbie-Martin-author-and-writer/290947497649847

and on my website:

www.debbie@debbiemartin.co.uk

where you’ll find lots more to read and information when my books are published.

Debbie Martin